I wannas sexs uuuuu
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
