i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i think i have two assholes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
