don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
