I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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