if you like me you must not know who I am
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
