now i know why i became what i already was.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
