my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Btw I puked in your glovebox
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
