She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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