I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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