I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
