there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
