I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
