mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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