If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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