Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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