Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
