Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
