we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
