so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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