i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My pussy is not your playground.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
