how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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