after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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