sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just had sex bonerless
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
