is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
