Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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