I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
