dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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