I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
