I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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