just come out here and I will go home with you...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
