Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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