i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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