I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
