I think im going to throw up on grandma
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
