he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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