Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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