i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
