Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
