Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
