did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
