I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize