I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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