how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
