I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
