Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i love accidental penises.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
