I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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