i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
