Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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