I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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