You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
