There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
