he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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