that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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