you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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