your room smells of hookers.
And success
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
