I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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