wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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