U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
