Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
