ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
