I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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