we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
