My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
