I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
