I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
