I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
