OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize