so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
