While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize