im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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