So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
