peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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