A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
