I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
